One Year Later

It’s been a year today since I caught my husband cheating.  A year.  A year that started with me sobbing on my mother’s living room floor in front of my children.  A year that started with betrayal when my youngest daughter was only two months into this world.  A year that seemed poised to be the worst of my life.  And it was.  Thank God it isn’t ending that way.

This is a pic I took when my world was crumbling.  I don’t know why I felt the need to document it.  I think I thought at the time that I needed to remember what trusting the wrong person with your heart can do, not just to me, but to my babies. What sort of man could do this to his loving family with no warning? No inkling of unhappiness?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My heart was broken.  I vowed for better or worse and meant it, but there isn’t much you can do when the other half chooses to leave and be with other women.  You cannot repair your marriage when half of it is gone.  I hope my girls will one day know that I did everything I could to keep our family together, even after his betrayal (the first one), but God had better plans for us. Marriage is sacred to me, but now I am eagerly awaiting the day I can divorce him.  Congrats, Justin, you won. You lost the best family you could ever dream of having, but enjoy your new life, by all means.

I lost way too much of the past year being sad, hurt, terrified, and angry.  My children lost a father who wasn’t that great to begin with and grandparents they never saw.  We have struggled. We have also known amazing kindness….from family, friends, and people I have never even met in person! My hugest heartfelt thanks go out to all of you!!! You have shown more care for my beautiful daughters and myself than he or his family have and your generosity and kindness allowed me to not give up on the human race! It is because of all of you and most importantly because of my need to show my beautiful babies that anything is possible that I am ending this year on a far different note than the one it started out on.

I recently ran my first 5k.  It was a http://runforyourlives.com/race-day/photos/ event and it was freaking AWESOME!!!  I signed up for it back in February, after I had completed my first semester in the Paralegal program with a 4.0 and was starting to feel like I just might be able to rock this single mom thing.  It was more than a race for me.  It was about me re-gaining my self-worth, re-gaining my power.  To my unbelievable family, specifically my sister Jessito, my brother Mikey, and my Mom and my Alan, I could not have survived this year without you!! I ran for you! To my crazy awesome friends Jen and Ryan Luder, I would not have had the crazy idea to do this, nor thought I Could, without YOU!   To my WTE mommas, holy cow, YOU INCREDIBLE ladies were the ones there for me at 2am on the internet, telling me he was el king douche canoe and making me laugh away my sorrows.  I ran it for You!  To all my friends around the world (and you are everywhere!) who lifted me up when I was barely making it through, I ran it for You! You have no idea how much a “Your girls are so pretty” or a smiley emoticon or a “we never liked him anyway, we just put up with him so we could hang out with you”  meant to me!! You guys rock!! To the women and men I have never met who shared their stories of heartache with me and applauded my small victories over the past year, I ran it for YOU!  To the people who sent things for my girls and me, my God, thank you from the bottom of my heart!! It wasn’t even the packages so much, but the fact that people who hardly know us care so much for a woman and her daughters that kept my faith going! Thank you! Thank you Tanya, my amazing friend who has no idea how much I needed her friendship and has no idea how incredible she is, YOU ROCK!! And thank you Colette, Richard, Stephanie, Michelle, and Katie for taking part in the zombie run! You guys Rock! It was more than a race to me. A year ago I thought I was the perfect wife, mother, and friend. I felt like I failed when my husband cheated. I felt like I failed my children, my biggest fear in life. I had nothing to be proud of.  I have strived this last year to get over my heartbreak and succeed again. I have strived to become a better mother, daughter, sister, and friend.   I will graduate in December with a 4.0 and get a job as a Paralegal. I will move on to get my Bachelor’s degree after that and then law school will follow. I have been working to forge a new, better future for my family. This race was me re-claiming my badass status. It was more than a race.

I’m Baaaaa-aaaaaackkkkk!!!!!

~ by DmommyD on June 10, 2012.