I call BS on the whole “you find love when you stop looking” rhetoric. I do. I’m calling it. It’s BS! Don’t fall for it! The truth is, you fall in love when you finally recognize your own worth, your values, and what you want to live with every single day for the rest of your life.
Truth: This sometimes takes a divorce to spur this kind of self-realization. It sucks, but you get over it.
I could go into the whole, “our generation doesn’t know what lasting love is because all our parents are divorced so we didn’t have a good example” whine. My answer to that….Don’t marry a guy whose mom cheated on his dad and abandoned him at an early age!!
Instead, work on yourself, make your education a priority, your happiness a priority, and when you meet a guy who is sweet, funny, and kind of a smart@$$ from North Dakota who makes your heart race every time you see him, every time!, and whose parents have been married for 40+ years….treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Love him the way you want to be loved. And if he loves you back the same way, continue loving him that way for the rest of your lives!
If there is one thing I have learned and want to teach my children it is to value themselves. Appreciate what a wonderful, unique, special, amazing, intelligent, beautiful human being you are. Realize that out there is a soul mate who will know your worth and his dream is to make you as happy as you make him. Realize that he or she is worth waiting for. I would wait another twenty years for my Derk if I had to, he is that incredibly worth it. He makes me realize that all I did was settle before him, all I did was try to help men become better. When you meet your soulmate, there is no effort required, you just make each other better,,,every day. And the best part, there is always laughter!!
So for all my beautiful amazing lonely girlfriends, my advice is this- Set your standards HIGHER!! You are worth it!! Love happens when you set expectations that reflect your soul’s needs. It may not happen right away but it will find you and it is so worth it.
I met the true love of my life after I took a year off of looking. My marriage ended and I purposely had nothing to do with men for a year. I had more important things to do. I had to nurse my newborn, play with my two-year-old and maintain a 4.0 in a Paralegal program so I could get a job that would provide benefits to support my children. Around a year after my marriage ended, I decided to start looking, but in a different way. I had no time or money for babysitters to simply go out with any guy that asked!
So I went on Match.com. I put up a picture of myself covered in mud from Run For Your Lives. I decided that if I was going to meet a guy, it would have to be on the most honest terms. I put up a couple pictures of myself with my kids. I “winked” at a couple guys. A lot of guys sent me messages. I was discerning, This one incredibly gorgeous guy made me laugh. Then we texted, then we texted a lot! After about a week of completely baring our souls through the phone, I decided he was worth the babysitter money. We went out and right now we are spending our New Year’s Eve on the couch together with what have become “our” kids sleeping soundly in the next room.
He is the guy for me. He is my soulmate. I was looking for him and I found him. Karma may actually be real.
I will teach my daughters to look for a guy like him. If they do, I can guarantee their happiness.
Happy New Year’s Everyone!!!
Don’t stop looking…just look within yourselves first and realize how amazing you are!!!